Thirty-One

Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Thirty-One
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

Today is the last day I am 31. Infact, I will be 32 in exactly 42 minutes. Isn't it strange that we so desperately wanted to be older, old enough to stay up and watch the movie. Old enough to stay out later. Old enough to get into that ride at Wonderland. Old enough to drive. Old enough to drink... legally. Old enough be taken seriously. Old enough to be respected. Then all of a sudden we are past all these restrictions and we simply want to stop time. Punch the clock.

Sometimes I even think that I would give it all back to relinquish myself of any of the debt, problems, hassles, responsibilities. Cares. Issues. Knowledge. Sometimes, ignorance can truly be bliss. Who said, "I would take the awe of understanding over the wow of ignorance"?... or something like that anyway.

So, tomorrow I am 32. I have spent most of this year telling people I was 32. Why?
I think I will spend the first half of this year telling people I am 31. To make up for lost time.
That's all I do.... is lose it. Time is the one great leveler. It waits for no man and evens all scores.

31 it is then.

4:18 PM (+5hrs) - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos -

Sailing the South Seas

Monday, May 21, 2007
Sailing the South Seas
Current mood: restless

"I've always wanted to sail to the South seas, but I can't afford it." What these men can't afford is not to go. They are enmeshed in the cancerous discipline of security. And in the worship of security we fling our lives beneath the wheels of routine - and before we know it our lives are gone.

quotation from Sterling Hayden (1916-1986)

10:19 AM (+5hrs) - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos –

Dreaming of Denny's

Friday, February 23, 2007
Dreaming of Denny's
Current mood: contemplative

I was in a hole in the wall Denny's last night, in Bishop, California... (Northern California?) on the way back from Mammoth, after 4.5 hours in the hospital. No, I was not hurt.... Jesse's pinky was though. *cough*

I noticed an old man at the table to my left. Alone. Greasy denim, oily, slicked hair. A weathered hat, pulled low on his brow. A weary, element-hardened face, hands like welding mitts. Sad. Remorseful?

Lonely.

I was startled by the thought that I could end up like that. Easily. How would I feel? As much as I like solitude and the soul-fortification it delivers, I do not like being alone that much. There was a time. I learnt alot about myself then. I am past that now though. More evolved. Or am I?

The old man made me sad. Made me reflective. Made me worry and made me..... all at once.

I wonder if he even ackowledged loneliness? Or if he had become numb to it?

Everything can turn 360, so easily.... if you let it I suppose.



"Sometimes I still think of you,
and I just wanted you, just wanted you to know,
My old friend.
I swear I never meant for this,
I never meant....
Don't look at me that way,
it was an honest mistake..."

12:08 PM(+5hrs) - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos

Time to make a Change

Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Time to make a change....
Current mood: anxious
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I feel it coming. A surge. Like fear choking in my throat. *cough* Get out. Imposter. It is soon or never. I like the challenge, the fresh-ness of it all. The excitement, yet I am warily afraid of it. Perhaps it is just respect for the power of it. The imminent failure that can await, with the slightest misplaced step.

I'll take it. Not now. But soon....

Reminds me of a new t-shirt I wanna get Regina to bust out.

"Procrastinator's Convention - Meets Tomorrow"


"They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet

You don't have to drink right now.....

but you can dip your feet, every once in a little while..."

10:52 AM - 4 Comments - 1 Kudos